Lenten Tears

The path has been steep and rough this past week on the trek to our resurrection event.  Resentment and despair are vicious enemies, and can seem to hammer relentless at the door for attention especially when I am tired.  I am glad for them because they show me how little I have forgiven others, and how shallow my hope really is.  It is all very well and good to tell oneself to die to self and turn always to God, but the self dies hard.  There was an interesting blog entry by Jules Evans in which he discusses the possible internal realities of polytheism, or of multiple spiritual beings.  His discussion is well founded in modern neuroscience, and there is a nice, accessible discussion in William Irvine's "On Desire" which goes into greater detail of the multifocal subrational nature of our minds.  Are perhaps our demonic temptations a similar phenomena of more nasty reptilian desires creating desires discordant with the life of the new man, the christ presence within?  Perhaps such discord is the inevitable result when one strives for salvation?
So I must dust my self off and confess my sins and inadequacies.  I must apologize to those I offend with my churlishness and forgive them.  A brother wrote yesterday in his blog of a method from the Philokalia for dispelling rancour in your heart- that one must pray for that person whenever you think of them.  This I must do, now and always.